Hi, I spend 3 minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog, then I go to work and people take me seriously as an adult.
— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) November 4, 2014
when a cat ignores you, you think “that’s on you”
when a dog ignores you, you think “you saw into my dark soul”
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 7, 2016
*starts petting your dog at the dog park* we’re dating now
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) April 21, 2016
My dog acts pretty tough for someone who’s afraid of cotton balls
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) July 16, 2016
nice dog. Sure would be a shame if someone were to…;pet it for like 40 minutes
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) February 3, 2016
every time I see a really old dog I just automatically assume we are friends.
— Markydoodoo (@markydoodoo) April 1, 2016
[bends down to pet your dog]
Me: what’s this guys name
Owner: this is-
Me [not breaking eye contact with dog]: yeah I wasn’t talking to you
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) January 31, 2016
I always wanna go up to ppl’s dogs & say “OMG I’m such a huge fan of your work. I’ve been following it since over there.” *points 7 ft away*
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 13, 2016
Date: I love dogs
Me: [trying to think of something to impress her] my dad is a dog
— james nielssen (@cool_as_heck) August 11, 2016
I wish there was a way to keep in touch with dogs I meet outside of grocery stores.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) January 26, 2016
When you’re at a party and the dog comes downstairs pic.twitter.com/t2E13mhD4k
— Pryce (@nickpryce4) February 27, 2016
*whispers “we should run away together” while petting the neighbor’s dog*
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) August 3, 2016
Me: Aww hey little fella!
Dog: *wags tail
Me: Awww C’mere!
Dog: *rolls on to back
Me: You want a belly rub?!
Me: Ew ð
— Princess Cuddle Cunt (@Poutymcgee) May 31, 2016